Last month I had made the observation about how country music, real country music, was thankfully, still very much alive and thriving, though more or less in the underground. Since then, I’ve had a little time to come up for air, and have checked out what’s been happening on the mainstream front. There was a little good news. One mainstream country group, namely the Dixie Chicks, blew the lid off the charts sales-wise, with a back-to-basics acoustic album that’s actually country. Alas, as far as mainstream goes, that’s been the only bright spot. Elsewhere, the picture is far bleaker. No, I take that back. Things have become so ludicrous, I can’t help but laugh. It’s gone way past the point of annoying or wrath inducing. It’s merely become one of those jokes that are so stupid, you can’t keep yourself from laughing- at the mere stupidity of it. The major labels are pathetically groveling, Viacom’s CMT is pathetically groveling, and the artists are pathetically looking more and more foolish everyday.

Let’s take the recent charges that Opry members Stonewall Jackson, Charlie Louvin and Del Reeves, leveled against Opry GM, Peter Fisher, saying he is severely limiting or completely nixing the time Opry members get to perform, in favor of HNC artists that are non-members, some of whom have barely one hit under their belts. Stonewall has made a claim that Fisher has made statements to the effect that Stonewall was too old/too country, and that Fisher said his goal was to see no gray hairs left at the Opry- both on stage and in the audience. Fisher claims he never made any such statements to that effect, and that scheduling the newer artists was a bid to increase attendance, which he went on to say, has paid off. It basically comes down to a "he said, he said" situation, since we really don’t know what actually transpired. Personally though, I tend to take the word of the Opry members over that of Fisher, for a couple of reasons. The first one being, that I’ve heard quite a few people say that when they’ve requested Opry tickets, there were months long waits for availability. And this isn’t some recent phenomenon, it’s been that way for years. Which leads me to reason number two, the Opry’s deal with Viacom (CMT) to telecast the prime time Saturday night hour. It smells to me more of a question of "ratings" than it is of "attendance," and Viacom’s quest for the youth market. Quite a few people have already observed the fact, that if one of corporate radio’s "hot things" isn’t on the schedule for the slated televised portion, that CMT curiously, always shows a repeat of a previous show. Those two reasons there, are enough for me to take Stonewall’s word over Fisher’s any day.

Since we’re on the subject of CMT, what’s up with the Springsteen video?! Are they finally admitting that CMT isn’t really a country music channel, or are cost cutting plans to merge the struggling VH1 and CMT on the horizon? I’ll be honest, I’m a huge Springsteen fan. I love the new disc The Rising. I love the video for "Lonesome Day," but...it AIN’T COUNTRY! Not even remotely close. Now, had The Boss chosen "Into The Fire" as the new single, and made a video for it that CMT decided to run, then it probably wouldn’t have struck me as being exceptionally weird, because that one does have a heavy country influence. "Lonesome Day," however, is pure Springsteen style, rock & roll. Yeah, they showed Kid Rock’s "Lonely Road Of Faith" for a brief time, but it was mostly a tie-in to the Crossroads special with Hank Jr., and that song at least had a southern rock groove to it, and southern rock does indeed have a distinct country influence to it.

In keeping on the topic of CMT, call me a glutton for punishment or whatever, but I was starting to feel really left out. Seems I was among one of the fortunate the few left on the planet, that hadn’t been subjected to the return of the She-nia Monster. I’d seen a still shot from the video in a magazine, and it looked so unbelievably schlocky, I couldn’t pass up a good laugh. I knew I could count on CMT to run it religiously every 10 minutes, so I flipped it on, and as usual they didn’t let me down. As luck would have it, what was the next video up? Bingo! I have to admit, it felt good...I haven’t laughed at anything that hard in a long time. I’ll bet they spent at least a mil on that piece of hilarity. Not only does the woman look absolutely ridiculous, but I’ve heard 5 year olds, off the tops of their heads, come up with better attempts at "songwriting." Funnier yet, is the fact there is actually someone, who’s the biggest fool of them all, out there trying to pass off this blatant wad of bubblegum snapping pop as having anything to even remotely to do with the country genre. Ah, once again Shania plays Bo Derek to Mutt’s John Derek. Well, I saw, I heard, I laughed. I’m no longer out of the loop, and once is more than enough for me, so now I can happily return to my Shania-free world. Oops, but I didn’t hit the off button fast enough. I wound up getting two laughs for the price of one..."Who’s Your Daddy?" It should be, "Who’s Your Loser?" Seems Toby "Boot Sticker" Keith’s obviously joined the ranks of those who don’t know how to properly identify the correct genre they claim to be singing. Must be that greatly swollen head. Or his pimp fixation. At any rate, my sides were aching so badly from all this side splitting laughter, I had to hurry up and flip the channel before they went for a triple, and hit me with Faith’s "Cry." I’d already had more than enough tears of laughter for one day- I’d just witnessed the perfect video accompaniments for Dale Watson’s song "Country My Ass."

Yes friends, and just when everyone thought mainstream country music industry couldn’t sink any lower- surprise! They manage to find lower depths to sink to. The major labels are counting on the sales of 5, (yes count ‘em, a big whopping 5), releases this year to turn around their rapidly deteriorating sales. The problem is, out of the 5, only one qualifies as a bona fide country release, the Dixie Chicks’ Home. Keith’s release has so far provided poorly written country-pop, and just bad, flat out pop. McGraw’s release has yet to be determined, but it would be hard to imagine he’ll stray from the usual formulaic mix of slightly-more-country-than-pop songs, intermingled with sappy, whiney, "sensitive guy" ballads. The other two have nothing to do with country music whatsoever, which has been quite openly admitted by the industry, Faith’s R&B Cry and the bubblegum pop of Shania’s Up! Will these albums all sell well? Most likely. The question is, to which audience though? Sales for Hill’s and Twain’s CDs will rack up far more of their sales within the AC audience, and not the country market, but the sales will ultimately, and unfairly, be attributed to "country music" sales. That’s the main point that eludes the marketing geniuses regarding the ire these artists inspire among country music listeners. In reality? No one really could care much what kind of music Hill, Twain, and the rest of them chose to sing. The root of the anger? Stop the lies, be honest, and just call the music what it really is. "Country" though? That’s the one thing it isn’t. No one begrudges them their spots on the pop charts and pop radio. But keep them there, where they belong, not on country radio, country music channels, and country music awards shows- where they do not! Music Row continues making itself look like nothing short of desperate to the max, and in the process, has made country music look far worse than any of the "stereotypes" they so fear.

The bright spot at the moment is, that so far, the Dixie Chicks and their album of real country music is the one that has set the bar to be beaten, which says a mouthful. As far as Springsteen? Well, at least if the country music industry is going to continue to push music of other genres onto the country music audience, at least for once, they’re finally exposing them to some good music from another genre. As for me, it’s time to head back to the underground. Things are way too scary above ground- I might die laughing.